If you've ever awakened in the middle of the night remembering that one thing you did twenty years ago that makes you a horrible person, this story is for you.
Twenty years ago, I was a young teacher dedicated to taking every project straight to Level 10. This extended to my personal life as well, such as the Flat Stanley project my niece sent me when she was in second grade. If you're not familiar with the Flat Stanley project, it was/is a widely popular elementary school assignment in the Midwest where, after reading the book Flat Stanley, students were given their own Flat Stanley paper doll, which they were encouraged to send to a friend or family member far away. These lucky recipients were asked to document the adventures of Flat Stanley in their town and then safely return him. Next, the teacher (or proud student) would read the adventures aloud to the class and Flat Stanley would be pinned to a bulletin board, joining all the other class Flat Stanleys that had returned from their own travels.
Since I was the cool aunt who had just moved to Florida, I was the likely choice for my niece's Flat Stanley. And, hell yeah, I delivered. I took Flat Stanley everywhere with me, snapping photos of his shenanigans, writing hilarious tales of his adventures--I even drew and cut out new paper doll clothes for him, including a tiny pair of BVD underwear that my niece's teacher later reported had the entire class in stitches. I practically wrote a children's book in my letter to the class, detailing how Stanley made some unfortunate choices and had to face the consequences of being pinned to the "time out" bulletin board in my classroom. I completed my Flat Stanley assignment so well, I became the obvious choice for our family's next elementary student assigned the project a few months later — my cousin's adorable son.
I e-mailed my cousin back: "Of course he can send it to me! Happy to take on another Flat Stanley!" I had big plans for Stanley 2.0. Too big. And this is where things start to go sour.
My aspirations for Stanley 2.0 were so high, I kept putting the project off because I couldn't find the time to "Go Big!" once he arrived. A few days turned into a week...turned into two weeks.
My cousin e-mailed to check in: "Some of the kids in the class are getting their Stanley returned. How's ours coming?"
"Great!" I lied, "I'll send him back soon!"
Two weeks turned into a month...turned into six weeks.
"Everyone else's Stanley is back. Any way you can send ours back now?"
"Shoot," I thought. "That poor kid. You have to finish this."
But then, I didn't. Not only did I forget to finish the Flat Stanley project and send him back, but I felt so bad about it, I couldn't even bring myself to e-mail an explanation or properly bow out. So much so, I pretended it never happened and went on with my life — except I didn't, because for twenty years now, I've thought way too many times about my poor little cousin who is now a grown man and how I failed to deliver his Flat Stanley when all the other kids received theirs. Knowing our family, some other cousin probably quickly stepped in and made up for my failure. But I'm not exaggerating about my shame. In fact, the small inner circle of my family who knows this story now refers to all embarrassing failures we cannot bear to think about as “Flat Stanleys”. When my dad accidentally texted a rant about someone to the person he was ranting about a few years ago? "Put it in the Flat Stanley folder," we told him.
I know I'm not the only one with a Flat Stanley story. Mel Robbins, the NYT bestselling author and podcast host, recently shared a story from when she was a young law student working for the Attorney General in Michigan. Honored with a very important research and writing assignment, she had every hope of taking it to a Level 10, until the overwhelm of perfection crept in, followed by procrastination and nary an effort on the project. Months later, her superior (or maybe even the AG) told her he’d like to see her progress and she walked straight to her car, drove away, and never returned.
"A Flat Stanley!" I said to my sister after she told me the story. "She's one of us!" (Might I add, Mel Robbins is also from Michigan.)
Why is it, that once we are past the threshold of embarrassingly late, we feel the only other option is to enter the shameful realm of full abandonment — banished to the dungeons of our memory labeled, "We shall never speak of this or think of this"? Unless, of course, it's two in the morning and your anxiety wakes you up to remind you what a horrible person you are — even twenty years later.
Last week, I decided to write a different ending to this story. My cousin's little boy who is now a grown man? I found his address. I wrote him a letter. And I printed out a new Flat Stanley, complete with a paper Florida tourist sweatshirt I made him.
"I'm sure you were not traumatized by my failure to send your Flat Stanley back," I wrote him. "But still, I'm sorry all these years later. Having kids now, it breaks my heart to think of one of them waiting for their little school project to return from a cousin who was guaranteed to make it good — only to find out they never followed through. You were important enough for me to take the time to make it special, and I didn't. Maybe you learned a lesson in disappointment, but I assure you, I've learned a bigger lesson about how awful it feels to not follow through and without any communication."
We can't make up for all our Flat Stanleys in life. But we can certainly learn from them.
My Flat Stanley lessons?
1.) Done is better than perfect. Lofty goals can often keep us from starting a project and definitely from finishing one. The most productive people do not let high standards keep them from following through. Just get 'er done!
2.) Communicate! If you don't have the bandwidth to deliver as promised, letting someone know doesn't feel good in the moment but will definitely feel better than saying nothing and sitting with the embarrassment of avoidance.
3.) Ignoring something never makes it go away. Out-of-sight definitely does not mean out-of-mind.
4.) Show up for your family, especially the little ones.
Have a Flat Stanley in your life? Maybe it's not too late to make up for it — or at least get it off your chest so you can laugh about it and move on.
Now that that's off my mind, here's what I'm thinking about this week:
These tennis shoes are my new favorites for everyday wear. I highly recommend them for walking if you have an upcoming trip. They feel like you're walking on clouds!
Eastfork--my favorite pottery company and makers of the only coffee mug I use--debuted their new limited edition glaze colors, and they're positively delicious. Piglet and Butter are giving me vintage Winnie the Pooh vibes, perfect for spring.
Speaking of my Eastfork mug collection, it's swelling beyond what I actually need, which means time to start collecting something new. Behold, Camp Hollow Cake Toppers. Can you even with that little goose? These critters are just the kind of thing that will have your kids saying twenty years from now, "Remember the little ceramic figurines Mom used to put on top of our birthday cakes? Those were my favorite."
Have you seen TikTok's current popular design style trend? It's called Clustercore, and I'm delighted to know everything I've loved about my favorite homes has a name. Give me all the storytelling vignettes! Check it out.
Homes with storytelling vignettes cannot be mentioned without another love note to lamps on kitchen counters. This is my favorite little kitchen lamp, and it's only $12 (I have two!).
I just finished reading this book about the current struggles of the modern male, and I can't stop talking about how enlightening it was — so much that I ordered two more books on the subject (this one and this one). Book club, anyone?
My 2023 Easter Basket Stuffer List is out! There's one for both little kids and big kids, and if you've been following me for long, you know this is my favorite thing to put together.
Finally, it's that time! Once a year, in honor of World Down Syndrome Day, I come to this community and ask you to help us send someone with Down syndrome to college. There are five plaques hanging on my office wall — each with a beautiful face of a Nella Hampton Scholarship recipient we've helped send to college, thanks to your support and the work of Ruby's Rainbow. As we prepare to celebrate World Down Syndrome Day again this year (3/21), we're asking you to Take the 3/21 Pledge again. It's easy — click the link, pledge $21 (or whatever you can give!), share the link with someone else and pledge to be kind to people of all abilities (you already do that!). Since Nella was born, this community has been the most incredible village, supporting our mission and cheering for our friends along the way. It means so much to us, and I'm forever grateful.
Much love to you all, and have a wonderful weekend!
~Kelle
